How is Emotional Regulation sexy? I am so glad you asked! Let’s turn the problem around by looking at a specific example. Do you know what is NOT sexy? A nervous guy, blushing, sweating, and searching for his words as he approaches his date. Maybe cute… but not sexy. You know what else is not sexy? A dude getting drunk to build up his courage, trying to impress his buddies and the women around him. That guy is not even cute. I am not judging here—I have been there and done that.
Now, if we stay in that same context, why is an emotionally regulated man sexy? Simply, because a man who is not preoccupied with his emotional baggage—be that anxiety, lack of self-confidence, or shyness— is fully available to his partner. He is more present, has the ability to listen, feels compassionate. He is neither building nor maintaining a persona, he is not keeping up his guard, pretending, or avoiding a meaningful connection.
If we are busy trying to hide or control our emotional stuff when we interact with someone, we lose so much of the connection, of what is said, of our instincts, of our cognitive capacity. And this is true for any interaction: dating, interviewing for a job, chatting with our parents (who are experts at pushing our buttons), public speaking…
It is not right to think: “I AM a nervous person, I AM shy, and that’s just the way it is, so I must either surrender to it or fight my own nature all of my life”! These emotions do not define us—they are based in fear: old fears, obsoletes fears—and they can be regulated. Once we stop identifying ourselves by these emotions, we can regulate them through Emotional Regulation with Tipi; one at a time. Letting go of those emotional difficulties does not cut away parts of our personality. On the contrary, it allows us to become whole, to integrate those blocks that limits us, those walls that prevent us from being who we really are at our core.
Regulate… Do it for yourself, and for those around you, they deserve to have your full attention.